Why Men are the True Romantics

Legendary musician Billy Joel released “Just the Way You Are” in 1977. The song’s success not only served to breathe new life into Joel’s career but it has been covered by other legendary musicians including Barry White, Isaac Hayes and Frank Sinatra. But why did the song resonate with so many? Obviously it has a melody that sticks in the mind easily but one only needs to listen to the lyrics to understand the song’s appeal. Promises to love his lady regardless of her looks, her conversation skills and any unforeseen bad times have undoubtedly served to capture “real love” in its purest sense.

It is then ironic to find out that Joel ended up divorcing his first wife, who served as the inspiration for the song. In fact the divorce was so painful for him he refused to perform the song for years after that. I guess she didn’t love him just the way he was. Somewhere down the line, the love that inspired such profound lyrics didn’t matter anymore. Alas, this has been the fate of many men before Billy Joel. Unfortunately, it is a fate that many other men will fall victim too as we are the true romantics.

Now I know that this is a controversial claim to make. After all, it is assumed that women are not only the fairer sex but the ones who truly appreciate romance. There are the romantic comedies targeted towards women. A good chunk of R&B music is targeted towards women as well. In fact, the entire institution of Valentine’s Day seems to be specifically catered towards women. Women are the ones who flood their Facebook and Instagram timelines with pictures detailing every gift they got from bae, right? But when you think about it, what is so romantic about chocolates? About cards, about champagne? At best, these are objects that have come to symbolize romance. In a sense, these material things even go against the true spirit of romance. So it’s time to address the elephant in the room; what IS romance?

The Merriam-Webster definition of romance includes words like idealized, heroic and even impractical. In other words, a romantic love is one that is idealistic, lofty, ambitious and impractical. Given this definition, it is hard to understand why women are deemed to be the more romantic gender. From the dawn of time, it has been men’s obligation to court, woo and basically do whatever we had to do to get women’s attention. You see it in Disney movies, romantic novels and Spanish soap operas. You even note it when your friends recount their engagement stories. As men, we have always been tasked with the creative burden of initiating relationships and all the romantic events therein. We are clearly the true romantics.

Moreover, one only needs to consider the different ways we are taught about love. While it is true that males are usually raised to be colder, more logical and practical, those lessons tend not to transfer so easily to matters of love. As a result men grow up imagining that love is supposed to exist for love’s sake. Our mothers (our first loves) teach us that when we find the “right” one, she will love us for us. We then stumble awkwardly through our teenage years making mistake after mistake with girls and wonder when we will ever find the right one. What makes the search for the right one more frustrating is when you get “friend-zoned” by girls you imagined were the right ones. This is the reality of numerous guys all over the world. Women can testify to this. If it isn’t hearing about friend-zoning, then its “nice guys always finish last” or even the assertion that women are just crazy. And so men stumble on confused until they discover the truth. Women generally don’t share our concept of love. A woman’s concept of love is more realistic and certainly more practical. Love cannot exist for love’s sake. A woman’s love has to be based on tangibility. This is why women place such emphasis on romantic ACTS. The romance behind the acts is all well and good, but she wants the action.

It is when men come to this understanding that they start to enjoy more success in dating. Women cannot force themselves to love you for who you are. To win her love (and maintain it) you have to give her something tangible to love. It might be a tough pill for men to swallow but it is worth it to avoid heartbreak. Ask Billy Joel.

#dating #romance #love #men #women